Postpartum Depression - My Story

Over the past four and a half months I have struggled with postpartum depression. I have debated heavily whether or not to share this information in such a public forum, however I feel that this has been a big part of my life and not something to be ashamed of. I would like to explain some of the things PPD has taught me and also answer a few questions you may have about my PPD. So here goes nothing, this is my PPD journey:

The first time I started experiencing noticeable symptoms of PPD was about three weeks after Ryker was born. For me, it looked like moments of uncontrollable crying, lack of energy, higher levels of anxiety, and extreme sadness. By the time my six week postpartum doctor visit rolled around I was on an upswing and feeling better so we chalked it up as just the 'baby blues'. However, not long after I experienced another couple day long bout of depression. Sometimes I would go a week without feeling depressed, other times I would only go a few hours before it set back in. The depression would sometimes only last for a few hours and other times it seemed to go on for days. At this point I am usually doing well. I have small episodes of depression maybe once a week and they are usually fairly mild. I imagine that this will continue to get better with time.

As difficult as this season has been with PPD, I am thankful to have experienced it. Jake has experienced depression for several years now and while I did my best to help him when he was struggling I can now empathize and support him even better. PPD has also forced me to open up to Jake emotionally more than I ever have. Our relationship is so much stronger now than it ever has been! He has been such an amazing support system throughout this journey!

Some questions you may have:

-Are you on medication? I am not. For various reasons we decided to avoid medication if possible. After trying a few different suggestions the thing we have found the most success with has been a B complex vitamin. We are also careful to make time for me to recharge (thanks for babysitting, Raylene!) and to exercise (Thanks Pokemon Go!).

-Did you experience PPD with both pregnancies? No. With Ilyana I had some heightened anxiety for the first couple of weeks, but I would contribute that more to just being a first time parent along with the rise and fall of hormones.

-Are you ok? Yes! Like I said, although this has been hard, it really has been a good thing! The aim of this post is not to make anyone feel that they need to walk on eggshells or to gain pity (in fact, those are some of the biggest reasons I have avoided sharing this!). The aim is to be transparent with this part of my life because it has shaped who I am and I think it is an important season to remember!


Thanks for reading and as always, if you have any questions, feel free to leave them in the comments!

Nicknames and sibling love

I thought it would be fun to share a few of the nicknames that we use for our kiddos and share a little bit about their relationship!

Ryker-

1. Rykes (I think we use this one more than his actual name!)

2. Buddy/Buddies/Bud/Buds (I tend to use this one quite a bit when he's upset. Maybe it's a subtle reminder to myself that he's my buddy!)

3. Sir-Rykes-Alot 

Ilyana-

1. Sweet Girl (I've been calling her this since she was itty bitty!)

2. Honey

3. Ily (Jake and I don't really use this one but a lot of family do. Side note, it's a huge pet peeve when people add an extra 'L' to make it 'Illy')

Ilyana and Ryker have such a sweet relationship with each other! Seeing Ilyana makes Rykers face light up with joy! Ilyana loves to help with diaper changes, giving Ryker toys, putting his pacifier in his mouth, holding his hand, kissing him, and making him wave 'hi'. Sometimes Ilyana gets upset when Ryker touches her, but generally they are great with each other and love each other a lot! I love watching their relationship grow!

4 months - Ryker

Ryker is four months old today! He is no longer a snuggly newborn! Ryker is now rolling over (both directions), trying hard to scoot, and almost always has something to say (or rather, shout). He's at the stage of putting everything in his mouth, including his snuggly blue bunny that he's obsessed with. He loves to play with crinkly books, his exersaucer, and looking in mirrors. Thanks to the four month sleep regression his sleep has been rough lately, usually waking up every 2-3 hours, often wanting to nurse. However we've been working hard on getting him to fall asleep on his own and are hoping that it will help a ton as he gets over this regression. Sometimes it's easy to wish away these sleepless nights, 45 minute naps, and constant need for attention but I really do try to savor every moment with my beautiful, smiley, son.

Ryker loves: standing up, having conversations, his bunny, crinkly books, his family, nursing, and listening to mama sing.

Ryker dislikes: baths, being held like a baby, being ignored.

Weight: 16 lbs. 3 oz.